Cheater’s Proof

Reading Bernie Twitter is like trying to pass a kidney stone simultaneously through your dick and asshole. It’s the equivalent of being diagnosed with lung cancer, liver cancer, anal cancer, and brain cancer all at once.

It’s the lone reason I will not vote for Bernie Sanders unless I am compelled to do so in the general election.

The Democratic debates have been annoying to watch, but not for the reasons the pundits will tell you, things along the lines of “tHeY dOnT HaVe A mEsSaGe” or “ThEy CaNt cOnNeCt wItH tHe PeOpLe” or whatever bullshit double-standard nonsense they’ll say about the people who are acknowledging reality right now.

It’s because literally every question asked is a GOP talking point designed seemingly to make every answer disappointing, out-of-touch, or trivial. I mean, they literally asked Bernie how he could carry out his Medicare For All plan “without bankrupting America”.

AS IF THE CURRENT $23,169,812,958,839 NATIONAL DEBT ISN’T BANKRUPTING AMERICA RIGHT FUCKING NOW.

It’s this type of questioning that discredits every word a Democrat can say. While Orange Hitler is braying about flushing toilets and discussing light bulbs for some reason to his mouth-breathing fan base at his Nazi Cosplay Rallies, the media is holding Dems to the fire as if they’re the REAL arsonists. They’re treating the Democrats like they were the fucks who spent us into the recession, gutted our social services, and took a fat shit on the working class of this country. Because, you know, Democrats had soooo much control over State legislatures over the past 10 years. It’s not like the 2018 election was historic for the amount of State houses the Dems flipped or whatever derrrr MEDICARE FOR ALL IS SOCIALISMSISMS YOU FUCKIN SNOWFLAKE COMMIE FUX!!!

It’s this type of serious line of questioning for the sake of “being responsible” that makes Trump able to do whatever he fucking wants.

These moderators on these tone-deaf networks refuse to flat out call the piece of shit out on his shitbaggery, and thus make the Dems look like hapless children tripping all over their own feet.

Meanwhile, the Senate is holding a trial over whether Donald Trump withheld congressionally-approved military aid from a key ally in exchange for alleged proof of crimes committed by his “likely” opponent, Joe Biden. Something that has been confirmed by the unending amount of evidence piling up by the day.

None of this actually matters in our current society, of course. The Republicans dearly want to hang on to their power in the Senate and White House so that they can continue to litter the judicial system with pro-corporation, pro-worker suppression, pro-life, gay-hating sycophants with lifetime appointments and ruin people’s lives long after these pre-historic mudfuckers finally shit out their last breaths. They will tell you that this is all to help save America from the liberals, but it’s really to just kill off those who would use their voting rights to send these craven, corrupt vultures packing.

Conservatism once used to allegedly mean more than just propping up the status quo and sucking the life out of the many to sustain the vampiric few. But those days are ancient history. We now live in a world where human beings can inflict maximum carnage on the most amount of people without even using a lethal weapon. They just need to purge voting rolls, pass a couple poison pills disguised as legislation, and cut every welfare program humanly possible, and an entire generation gets pummeled out of existence.

No accountability, no repercussions, no problem.

This is unless you happen to be a GM or manager connected to the Houston Astros right now.

Ironically, Major League Baseball seems to have the moral high ground on our politicians (stop laughing it’s actually true). The league that has in the past tacitly approved of gambling, whoring around and the occasional performance-enhancing  drug (steroids and cocaine among a litany of others) dropped the sports equivalent of an atomic bomb on Houston for using surprisingly brilliant technologies to steal signs – mostly pitch calls – over the course of their 2017 World Series championship season and beyond. Everything from wearing buttons that would buzz if the opposing pitcher was throwing a fastball, etc, to using cameras to look at the catcher’s hands and then either whistle or bang on trash cans to communicate what pitch was coming.

Not bad for a bunch of dumbass jocks, if you ask me. But it’s also very much cheating and very much wrong. I’ve seen a lot of Twitter experts profess their outrage over the fact that baseball is punishing something allegedly everyone does, with one Philadelphia sports radio caller to go so far as to say we would all be speaking Japanese if we didn’t steal signs in WWII.

Because knowing if Yu Darvish is going slider or changeup is apparently as important as defeating fascism.

So, yes, that comment would likely draw the statement, “Then WHY do you care if they cheat?!”

I mean, I’d like to have my baseball be a little more than just one team figuring out stupidly complex ways of stealing another team’s signs and therefore knowing everything that’s coming. If the other team tips their signs, then fair play. And if you steal signs from say the opposing dugout or third-base coach, that’s literally what I tried to do with my rec league teams. That’s gamesmanship. That’s trying to gain an upper hand, but it’s definitely within the rules of engagement.

Covering your body in bandages with little buzzers or whatever the fuck requires no skill, no patience, and is proof that your guys are so insecure about their skills that they have to game the system just to know if Sonny Gray is throwing a goddamn two-seamer.

Does this make me a crotchety old man? I don’t honestly give a single fuck if it does. But if you can’t play ball without needing to go all 007 on everyone’s unsuspecting asses, forgive me if I’m not impressed.

The same goes for that monstrosity staining the Oval Office with Cheeto dust and chicken grease.

If you can’t win an election without literally breaking the fucking law, maybe you shouldn’t be President in the first place.